I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
