its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
