So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
