My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
