I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
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