i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
