the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
