went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
