She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
