he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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