DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
