Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
