im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
