God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
