Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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