one two three fourrrrnication!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
