White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
