There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
