Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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