i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
