We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
