she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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