my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
