everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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