who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
