The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
