of course. lets lasso hookers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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