Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
