i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
