i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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