Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
