One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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