I CAN MOONWALK!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
then he tried to convert me to islam
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
