So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
