Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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