I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
