I'm gonna have a badass scar
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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