I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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