Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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