Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
