I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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