according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
