I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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