you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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