Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
