Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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