i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
