You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
