i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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