i just wanna soil my oats bro
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
