I cut my penus on the lid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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