Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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