i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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