She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
