I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do vagina's smell?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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