if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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