So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
