i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
