I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
