Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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