she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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