he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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