Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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