Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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