Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
