She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
