Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Vodka?
Forever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
