we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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