I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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