Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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