i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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