i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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