Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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