You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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