I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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