That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
