Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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