Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
