Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
