So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
